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Five Years

Five years down. Forever to go…

It’s difficult to believe that Ryma has been gone for five years. Sometimes it still seems like yesterday.

After talking to many of Ryma’s friends and colleagues I know that she touched a lot of people in her lifetime. Her legacy is that she was diligent, kind, compassionate, giving, and so much more. But she also left a tangible legacy: her daughters, both of whom are maturing into awesome young ladies. As time goes by, I’m surprised how much they remind me of Ryma. I see flashes of her mannerisms, body language, personality, and so on. Of course, both daughters are unique individuals too.

I’ve said before that it’s disappointing that Ryma will never know her daughters as adults, but it occurred to me recently that her daughters will miss out on that relationship too. After all, in spite of how powerfully indelible childhood is, one’s longest relationship with their parents is as adults. Or ought to be. It’s all the more sad because Ryma wasn’t just a great mom. She was a great lady. And a great friend.

She is loved, as always, and she is never, ever forgotten.

Five years down. Forever to go…

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Four Years…

Another year has passed. We lost Ryma four years ago today. Time marches on…

She would be very proud of her daughters (as am I). They have both graduated. Both are working.

She is loved. And missed. Always.

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Three Years…

Another year has passed. Time marches on.

Everything I said in the two-year post is still true and relevant.

Some things have changed: Angel is starting her senior year, and is Co-President of the Asian Student Association. Jessica just completed a masters degree and passed all four CPA exams. All during a global pandemic! Ryma would be very proud of her daughters (as am I).

Someone shared the concept of heavenly birthdays with me recently. Today is Ryma’s third, and she loved turtles, so the picture above seems apropo. I know she’d like it.

She is loved. And missed. Always.

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Ten Year Anniversary

Ryma & Randy, October 10th, 2009

Ten years ago today Ryma and I took each other for in sickness and in health. We got some of both. Instead of marking our ten-year anniversary, we’re marking two years  since she passed. But we had eight great years of marriage before she passed, and two before that. She brightened my world for a decade, and left me with two incredible daughters, who brighten my world still!

On our anniversaries, Ryma always used to quote a little couplet:

Loved you then. Love you still. 
Always have. Always will.

It’s true for me too. Still.

 

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Two Years…

It’s difficult to believe that Ryma has been gone for two years! Sometimes it seems like she was here just yesterday. Sometimes those last difficult days seem like another lifetime.

Regardless, the girls and I love her, and miss her, and we always will. Things aren’t better; they’re just … different. Life goes on for us — our “new normal,” as the saying goes — but the impact of her life on ours is ever-present.

She encouraged us to keep living, and we do.  Angel is halfway through college! Jessica has graduated and returned for graduate school! These accomplishments, and so many more, would have made her proud.

We honor her by continuing to live, and continuing to pursue the dreams she shared with us, and for us.

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Home

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This song really speaks for itself.

…No more pain…
…Dreams that last forever…
…Unending rest for the weary soul…

There’s another Crabb Family song that Ryma always really liked, but I discovered this one after she passed. I couldn’t listen to it much because it really wrecked me at the time.

It’s not easy to watch your best friend, your lover, and the mother of your children feeling her final pain, drawing those last breaths. But there is comfort in knowing that she’s home now.

She’s been in that better place for about the same length of time that we knew she had cancer. Sometimes that time seems a lifetime ago, at other times like yesterday.

I don’t believe she measures time the same way anymore, and I’ve been glad she’s out of pain for a long time now. Today is just one of those yesterday days.

 

 

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Rainbow Connection

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The Rainbow Connection is superficially simple, yet deceptively profound.

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what’s on the other side?

Ryma and I listened to a lot of music in her last months. This song was a favorite, and we listened to a lot of different versions of it. This particular recording, however, was our go-to favorite, and I still listen to it from time to time. Today, of course, is one of those days…

As always, it’s difficult to articulate what moved and motivated us in those last days, but it goes without saying that we were wishing, hoping and praying for a miracle. This song, in a simple and hopeful way, addresses those complex issues. Todd Mager’s honest and straight-forward vocal over Jim Brickman’s incredible piano makes for a compelling performance (and it goes without saying that Kenny Ascher & Paul Williams wrote an awesome song to begin with).

Mager dedicates it to his children, and encourages them to never stop dreaming. There are a lot of “never stop”s in life. Ryma never stopped fighting, never stopped hoping and dreaming. She also never stopped believing. Naturally, she also wished the best for her kids (and me) going forward without her, and always encouraged our dreams.

Love knows no bounds. As I’ve written in other posts, love spans time, and even life. To the extent that rainbows are perceivable under the right circumstances, yet intangible, I think there remains a “rainbow connection” between us even now, between her and those she loved, and those who loved her.

This phenomenon is certainly not unique to us, Ryma and her loved ones. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons that there are so many songs about rainbows, and what’s on the other side.

What’s so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What do we think we might see?

Someday we’ll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me