One need not travel too far to the west of our suburban home to realize that we live on the edge of rural Virginia, and Ryma used to love to go for drives in the country (especially drives in the snow)! We encountered a number of “landmarks” in that area over the years as we traveled most of the roads in Prince William and Fauquier counties.
As much as we enjoyed the back roads, we didn’t really have to get too far off the beaten path to see the Post Office pictured here. It’s on route 28 between Nokesville and Bealton. We traveled that route frequently on the way to Williamsburg, or Fredericksburg, or just cutting through the countryside to reach I-95.
Ryma always liked the little A-frame building. It’s the Post Office in Calverton, Virginia. We joked about going in sometime to buy stamps or post letters. We never did stop though, because whenever we passed it, it was always closed. I stopped to take some pictures recently. Maybe some day I’ll stop in and buy those stamps.
Sanctuary at Grace United Methodist Church, Manassas, Virginia. This picture is deceiving–it’s actually much wider than it is deep.
Ryma’s memorial service today was nearly perfect. The hymns and scripture readings–in both English and Bahasa Indonesia–were perfect. The two pieces sung by her brother Andrey were incredible, and her brother Johan spoke eloquently and from the heart, as did all the speakers.
Ryma loved turtles! Someone suggested bringing some of her personal things to display on the guest book table, which turned out to be too small, so instead the altar table was adorned with some of her stuffed turtles (as well as a picture of her)!
I’ve been reading about grief, and one common phenomenon is to experience regrets, and I’ve been experiencing them.
The lyrics of the song above describe someone who regrets losing his love.
Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn’t mean it. I just want you back for good.
Unfortunately, Ryma and I are not just broken up. Nothing I can say or do will bring her back. We’re separated in the death-do-us-part way. There’s no turning it around, although I can definitely identify with the desire to do so.
Got a fist of pure emotion. Got a head of shattered dreams. Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now.
I definitely have the emotion and shattered dreams. The song describes something as mundane as a lipstick stain being a palpable reminder of someone’s presence.
Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup.
Ryma had chronic chapped lips in her last few months. I was constantly buying tubes of Chapstick and Blistex, because they constantly went missing. Now, they’re turning up in almost every bag or box into which I look. The house she made a home is full of these reminders. It’s her. She’s everywhere.
There’s no option for me to plead with her to take me back. And she didn’t choose to leave me. There’s nothing to say, or un-say. She simply isn’t here. And yet, somehow, she’s everywhere…
Great minds think alike…
Birds of a feather…
Same wave length…
Simpatico…
Williamsburg, Virginia has sort of been our home away from home for several years. We were there last Easter, and for reasons I can’t recall we needed to be home later in the day.
Since we were in a hurry, we stopped for lunch at a fast food place on the way out of town. There was a little girl handing out “Easter Eggs” in the lobby. I quote it, because they weren’t actual eggs, but were drawn on paper.
I don’t know why, but I tucked mine into my wallet, just in front of my drivers’ license, and in the months since then I’ve been careful to not let it fall out. The other day I needed to get something out of Ryma’s wallet, and was pleasantly surprised to find her Easter Egg tucked inside it too. It seemed that she was touched in the same way I was, by the little girl handing out hand-drawn Easter Eggs.
Why did we both carry an Easter Egg in our wallet for six months? I’m not sure, but we are simpatico, on the same wavelength. I don’t know about great minds, but we are definitely birds of a feather.
Music can be very powerful, whisking us away to another place and time, or evoking strong memories and emotions. Click the play button below, and then scroll down to read more about how this song effects me…
First of all, let me say thanks to Carole King for writing such an incredible song!
It’s meant a lot to me, ever since I first heard it, probably in the soundtrack to the movie “A League of Their Own” way back in 1992. Even then, it could often move me to tears, and for a long time I associated it with my mom who passed away in 1988.
now and forever you are a part of me and the memory cuts like a knife
And, more recently, I re-associated it with my brother, who passed away in 2012.
now and forever I’ll remember all the promises still unbroken and think about all the words between us that never needed to be spoken
My mom and brother are part of me, no doubt. And I love them both dearly, but this is clearly a lovesong!
didn’t we find the ecstacy didn’t we share the daylight when you walked into my life
In other words, as much as the song moved me–even to tears at times–it never completely “fit” the lost relationships that I associated with it.
I just re-listened to it, and it sent me into a fit of chest-quivering, can’t-breath sobbing.
we had a moment just one moment that will last beyond a dream, beyond a lifetime
Now that Ryma’s gone, it fits! Every word. Every thought. Every emotion. The uncanny thing is, I can remember playing it for her one lazy afternoon when we were playing old songs online, and telling her how much it meant to me.
we are the lucky ones some people never get to do all we got to do
The powerful emotions that I’ve always associated with the song–even for 25 years–and that I had a chance to share with her–seem to have actually always belonged to her.
now and forever I will always think of you
Anyway, now and forever, the song will always make me think of her. And that’s as it should be. Because it fits.
didn’t we love together and together we lit up the world
I miss the tears I miss the laughter I miss the day we met and all that followed after
sometimes I wish I could always be with you the way we used to do
now and forever I will always think of you
now and forever I will always be with you
One of Ryma’s favorite pictures of us! Taken at my dad’s old house, c. 2012
Quite a few people incorporated Ryma’s last Facebook profile picture in posts they made the day she passed away. The framed version surrounded by flowers, used as the main photo for this site, is from the visitation held in our home two days after her passing.
So, what’s the story behind the photo? It was taken before we headed out to JiffyLube Live Amphitheater to see Josh Groban in concert on August 6th, 2016. Ryma had had a relatively good summer, after finally recovering from multiple surgeries and complications in the Spring. Unfortunately, her cancer returned a month or so later. We still had a year together, and did many things, including impromptu date nights, but this was probably the last time we planned a date in advance. Unfortunately, her treatment ramped up again quickly.
Ryma enjoying the Josh Groban concert.
Anyway, it’s a beautiful picture, and belies all the suffering she had recently been through, and gives no hint of what was to come. She was sort of in the eye of the storm at that time. It’s no wonder she selected it as her last profile picture.
The picture on the left is of Ryma later that same night at the concert. She had a great time! As always, she was smiling, and she definitely enjoyed the show.
Tonight’s visitation was a real blessing! We expected about 30 people, but in the end nearly double that number visited our home tonight. Such a great showing, with less than a day’s notice, is a real affirmation of the love and respect so many people have for Ryma. She loved to entertain, and I’m sure she would have been pleased with the turnout! I’m humbled and blessed by the number of people who gathered here, and would like to thank everyone who visited to express their condolences, for their kind words, prayers & support, and gifts. I’d also like to thank those who couldn’t come, but have reached out in other ways. Ryma was truly blessed to have such an extensive network of caring friends and colleagues, and the girls and I are lucky to have them surrounding us.
I’m very saddened to say that Ryma has passed away. Her twenty-two month battle with cancer has come to an end. She fought bravely, remained positive to the end, and never lost her sense of humor, her love for her family and friends, or her faith in Christ. Her last few months were particularly difficult, so the girls and I take comfort in the fact that the old cliché is true: she is in a better place.
Ryma always liked the little A-frame building. It’s the Post Office in Calverton, Virginia. We joked about going in sometime to buy stamps or post letters. We never did stop though, because whenever we passed it, it was always closed. I stopped to take some pictures recently. Maybe some day I’ll stop in and buy those stamps. 
