Regrets

I’ve been reading about grief, and one common phenomenon is to experience regrets, and I’ve been experiencing them.

The lyrics of the song above describe someone who regrets losing his love.

Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn’t mean it.
I just want you back for good.

Unfortunately, Ryma and I are not just broken up. Nothing I can say or do will bring her back. We’re separated in the death-do-us-part way. There’s no turning it around, although I can definitely identify with the desire to do so.

Got a fist of pure emotion. Got a head of shattered dreams.
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now.

I definitely have the emotion and shattered dreams. The song describes something as mundane as a lipstick stain being a palpable reminder of someone’s presence.

Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup.

Ryma had chronic chapped lips in her last few months. I was constantly buying tubes of Chapstick and Blistex, because they constantly went missing. Now, they’re turning up in almost every bag or box into which I look. The house she made a home is full of these reminders. It’s her. She’s everywhere.

There’s no option for me to plead with her to take me back. And she didn’t  choose to leave me. There’s nothing to say, or un-say. She simply isn’t here. And yet, somehow, she’s everywhere…